full moon in Virgo

We were stuck in traffic on the 101 

I never thought I could be someone who started a story like that, “On the 101.”

I said running away 

because it felt good to leave

but it felt better to know that I would be coming back 

or did I say escaping?

The ocean is on the left here.

Weird. 

Desperation is a freeway with one lane going in either direction 

I asked myself how we would getaway 

if there was an emergency

no matter where you are, it seems like there are only a couple of ways to get out of LA

I guess I would go to the ocean

depending on the disaster

maybe I would let it come to me. 

My mouth watered around the words

”I think this is where we die.”

I gestured around dramatically.

Complaining about traffic is deeply satisfying 

each morsel of the rant filling me up

like griping about the subway 

mortals, lusting after the delectable faults of gods we’ve created

“What if we turned left and drove to the sea?”

You looked at me with a bewildered amusement 

which drowned softly in the sadness I radiated.

I looked just past your head, disoriented 

“It’s weird that the ocean is on the left here.”

If I pushed it out far enough, I could reach through the windshield and burn my tongue on the bumper of the car in front of us 

baking in the sun 

my tired eyes burned. 

I thought I had already imagined every way that you could hurt me 

if I could love anything about you it would be the way you broke a moment

an injection of ether where there was no room to breathe 

a left turn off of a one-lane highway

I should have known; I’m the only one who ever really hurts me

picking fights with reality 

forgetting that there are easier targets.

Heartbreak is a deconstructing illusion

with the windows down 

and that song you’ve been into, streaming out of the speakers 

the parched desert road cracking in the heat 

and nothing to do but inch forward.