new moon in Aries

lured in, I crossed the threshold and an intoxication settled into my bones 

I tasted a damp quietness, musty but sweetened with notes of animation 

ornate wallpaper peeled at the edges, dark velvet curtains drawn, dusty heavy golden frames

it was the kind of big that maintains a stillness even when there are people roaming around

at first, it was just a passing glimpse of the sleepy look he wore on his face

I could feel myself become dizzy

then a gait like his, that greyish blue pair of pants he wore sometimes, a crooked smile, a slightly raised scar just above the elbow, soft brown eyes, lean muscles, a gruff voice dripping in locally sourced honey

I dragged a rattled breath from my lungs

the walls trembled and my heartbeat rang in my ears as I scrambled through the vacuum of his likeness, down spiral staircases, following intricate runners through long hallways, peaking my head in and out of dusty libraries, drawing rooms, and bedrooms with hardwood floors and four-poster beds

frantically rifling through the deterioration

I ignored the look of concern painted across the people, multiplying, crisscrossing in costume, unidentifiable behind the illusion of him

the the teardrop crystals of the chandelier overhead were swaying, ever so slightly 

but I was the only one who could see how delicate this was 

how fragile we were

a fuzziness blanketed my consciousness as I wondered if this was a celebration or a site of mourning?

out into the cool night delirious and panting, begging the fresh air to displace the perfume of deception choking me, my eyes shot to the sky as my head spun from the vapors, the clouds, and the memories

cursing the maze I emerged from—cursing myself for escaping before I reached the end

when I believed I could trust my balance again, I leveled my gaze, 

and there he was

draped against the gracefully crumbling exterior brick wall—leisurely and confident, knowing what lay on the other side, too pleased with himself to join in

he pined after theoretical adoration, I pined after him 

holding my breath in favor of the breadth of his fanfare

my eyes meet his for just shy of a moment

before I pulled them to the ground, a sidewalk conveyor belt, slowly carrying me down the street

tossing some words into the ever-growing space between us: 

“I’m not sure that building is going to make it,” I said

“It won’t

it’s coming down tomorrow

that’s why we’re here tonight.”